Not once more… I do not have the courage to encounter it once again. Rather I should say that I do not have the strength to bear all that pain, which I got with every such encounter. The jovial beginning always ends up in a pathetic manner, leaving me in a vacuum, not allowing me to breathe life once again. This momentary bliss will soon dissolve, and will end up sucking my soul, leaving me an empty vessel once again. But oh, how could I resist the temptation? Each time it comes with a novel intention… may be I am wrong this time, but who knows? I am not ready to take another blow… it would not be possible for me to take it anymore! The pain hiding my pain is unbearable. It chokes me from within… nobody is there to share this thought of mine. This eternal emptying will gradually lead to the final emptying, and I quietly wait for that. I must say that I am brave and competent enough to hide my pains with the all time smile of mine. May be I will survive through this encounter also! Another blow, emptiness, another punishment… all I have to take up once again. Helpless I am, for I can not escape this. Now I am used to pains rather than gains… I do not seek for consolations anymore, rather I wait for that FINAL HOUR to come, slowly and silently, when I can rest myself on the bosom of that eternal being, who has moulded this piece of earth.
